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Fetlang is a statically typed, procedural, esoteric programming language and reference implementation. It is designed such that source code looks like poorly written fetish erotica.

Fetlang is not recommended for production use at this moment, especially in medical or military applications. However, that does not limit one from possibly implementing it in said applications.


The following example outputs the arguments given to the executable (comments are in parentheticals):

(Set Sean to an empty chain)
Make Sean moan

(Set Carrie to 0(a fraction))
Worship Carrie's feet
(Have Amy cycle through a chain listing arguments given, separated by '\0'(a fraction))
Bind Amy to Saint Andrew's Cross

    (Add Amy(a fraction) to Sean)
    Have Amy hogtie Sean

    (If Amy is '\0', print out the current argument, and reset Sean)
    If Amy is Carrie's bitch
        Make Slave scream Sean's name
        Make Sean moan

Computational class

Fetlang has shown to be Turing-complete by this Rule 110 implementation.


  • Input/output with standard streams and files
  • Statically typed
  • Gendered variables
  • Access previously mentioned variables using pronouns
  • Numbers represented internally as fractions instead of floating point
  • Transpiles to C
  • Case insensitive
  • Confusing English-like syntax and unhelpful error messages
  • Probably Turing complete
  • Extensible - just install your fetish in share/fetlang/fetishes

External resources