Engwish

Engwish is a version of English that appears exclusively in certain internet forums. Believed to originate from the art-sharing social media platform DeviantArt in 2001, many users of Engwish do not know they are using an esoteric programming language, much like with English. It is most popular among furries, and is sometimes called "Furry English" or "Furrynese", but the programming language version uses the endonym, "Engwish", instead of either of those.

Characteristics

Engwish is effectively a trivial substitution of English. Braces need not be used, as "This program [verb]s" is replaced by "[Verb]" in the imperative - the ability to do this in English appears to be implied by the examples of English code, but is never explicitly stated to be true, so it is worth explicitly stating here.

However, if the letters "l" or "r" appear anywhere in program instructions, in either capital or lowercase, the program segfaults. It is not enough to simply not use these letters, though, as if an instruction is not in the Engwish dictionawy, then the program returns a INCORRECT LANGUAGE error, as it does for English. This means that "l" and "r" must be replaced with "w", unless the word without a letter happens to also exist in Engwish.

Strings (text inside quotation marks used as a constant) need not be in the Engwish dictionawy, and it is not checked by the compiler. However, your pwoject wead might fiwe you if you do, as the text should be in Engwish, not English. Variable names are put inside brackets []; the interpreter will add that variable's name to the dictionawy for the scope of the variable, allowing the name to be used even if it is not an Engwish word. However, Engwish will still segfault if an "l" or "r" is in the name.

Determinism

Like English, Engwish is deterministic as long as the instructions are given to a standard Turing machine, such as machine code. Giving Engwish code to a large language model or a human brain may result in non-deterministic processing, not to mention that like English, Engwish follows a version of the INTERCAL politeness rules: giving Engwish code to a human brain may result in a compiler error if the incorrect amount of politeness is used.

Turing-completeness

The idea of describing English, let alone Engwish, as "Turing complete" is highly contentious. However, it is provable that Engwish is Turing complete as long as the interpreter of the Engwish code is machine code or another such implementation of a Turing machine - a large language model or human brain introduces non-determinism into the equation, and so Turing completeness is no longer provable for those interpreters.

Computability

Engwish, like English, is usually described as uncomputable, as among other things, the halting problem can theoretically be decided:

Accept a function ow pwogwam as input.
If the wast input can woop fowevew, wetuwn twue.
Othewwise, wetuwn fawse.

However, deterministic implementations of Engwish are not uncomputable, as uncomputable programs like the halting problem solver are not deterministic, relying on non-deterministic compilers' ability to withstand counterfactuals and paradoxes.

Examples

Hello, World

Code:

Pwint "Hewwo, wowwd!" to the scween.

Outputs:

Hewwo, wowwd!

99 Bottles of Beer

Code:

Wet [x] equaw 99.
Whiwe x is mowe than 0:
 Pwint x.
 Pwint with a newwine " bottwes of beew on the waww". Pwint x. Pwint with a newwine " bottwes of beew."
 Pwint with a newwine "Take one down, pass it awound."
 Subtwact 1 fwom x.
 Pwint x.
 Pwint with a newwine " bottwes of beew on the waww."
Wetuwn to the stawt of the whiwe woop.``

The output is too long to reasonably fit on this page, but it is the Engwish translation of 99 Bottles of Beer.