User:BoundedBeans/??? Mystery Program

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Notes:

• Typically I don`t write this choppily, but hiding messages in punctuation is HARD.
• This comment block can be safely omitted from the program, but it can also be included in the program if you want.
• It may be easier to copy this from the wiki source rather than the direct page (both will function fine).
• This is a program written in ???.
• This program ``cheats`` a little bit by using grave accent marks in place of double quotes or single quotes.

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One day I bought a lemon tree from a site called fastgrowingtrees. "It can fruit in the first year,`` they said confidently, but my beautiful, leafy, green, potted lemon tree never did end up fruiting; I had it for well over a year. I waited and waited for my golden yellow meyer lemons. It eventually became apparent that the tree was not happy indoors. So I gave it a grow-light because the west window wasn't "quite enough light``; it was however the brightest window in my home. The tree seemed to enjoy the light for a while. It was the middle of winter and new leaves were popping up left and right! The leaves would typically start off a maroon color. Then they would grow bigger and greener over time. I`m not entirely sure if it`s good for trees to grow that much in winter. Plants need their rest after all. Apparently it`s been scientifically proven that trees sleep. I think I remember reading an article on how the average height of tree branches decreases during night time. Speaking of plants at night time here`s another interesting night related plant fact. Normally when farmers plow their fields to remove weeds they come right back in a few days. Scientists found out this is because even a few thousand photons is enough to cause seeds to germinate. Any harmful seeds under the soil could be briefly exposed to light. There is actually a very simple solution to this. Plow your fields at night! Anyway let's go back to the lemon tree because I`m going on a bit of a tangent so this text seems longer because this text has totally no "secret messages`` hidden in the letters, word lengths, rhymes, punctuation, or sentence lengths; I`m not that cringe. The lemon tree seemed happy in its grow-light and didn't protest the "slight yellowness`` of the light at all; the light may have only looked yellow in its surroundings. The lemon tree then inexplicably started throwing a bit of a plant tantrum. It was being quite the drama queen. Every single leaf fell off the tree one by one! Most of the leaves at that point were a little different than the ones it came with. The starter leaves were waxy and small and the new leaves weren't "like that,``; they were glossy and huge. The lemon tree`s problems are still unsolved. It could be a whole load of different things (lemon trees are quite sensitive). It could be over-watering although I wasn't watering it any more than I was "supposed to``; the lemon tree`s problems never became obvious. It was really infested with fruit flies so that might be a potential reason! Eventually it became late spring and it was time to move the tree outside. The tree looked bad at this point. It was just a thorny stick. Something interesting happened. Something completely unexpected and exciting happened. It was really happy in the sunlight! Leaves started popping up, but some of the leaf buds were shaped a bit differently, and as they grew, it became apparent that they were not leaves, but instead flowers! The flowers had four silky, white petals and were fragrant! Some of the flower petals blew off in the wind, leaving only the reproductive parts which I wasn't initially "happy`` about, but I actually decided to take this tiny green oval and cut it open with my fingernail, and it smelled very strongly like lemon, had little tiny seedlike things inside; it was an unfertilized lemon. I didn`t think it would be able to handle the fruit any-way since it still didn't have very many "fully grown leaves``; it was however a fun experience to have flowers on the tree, even without fruit! Eventually it was the fall, and the tree had healed, but then it started looking a bit unhappy, and I didn't know what the "problems`` were, and it was really sudden; I eventually thought it needed fertilizer. I never actually got it fertilizer. It started to lose leaves - the same leaves it worked so hard to grow back in the summer ~ and it wasn't getting any better and I thought "I really should get it fertilizer``; I never did! The tree`s leaves became loose. Sometimes when watering the tree a leaf would just fall off. The tree's trunk began to lose its green color and the "fertilizer problem`` still hadn`t been solved, even with all these warnings, even after everything it had gone through, even as it was slowly turning brown; I procrastinated. Eventually the only green was a slight tinge on the ends of the branches. I had a chance to help it by bringing it to a well-experienced citrus tree owner but ultimately the transport wasn't going to "work``; I didn't take this final opportunity! And...