S l o w

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When making a program, you'll need to ask yourself 3 questions.

  1. "What should my program do?"
  2. "How can I go about making it?" (sometimes, this is substituted with "Shall I start it now? or next Tuesday?")
  3. "Do I really want this program to complete before the heat death of the universe?"


S l o w (or just Slow) is a hypothetical esoteric programming language. It was designed with the goal of being the slowest programming language to execute, this is done with many layers of interpreters and unnecessary simulations. The first ideas of Slow were created by User:Magnogen and User:VilgotanL on June 10, 2021.


Implementation

Due to the very fact that implementations of this programming language would be incredibly computationally heavy and would take such a long time to create anyway, there is currently no working implementation of Slow. If you want to make one, then take a look below at the different layers that make up Slow.

You can imagine it like a stack - so I'll be walking you through the interpretation top-down, as it were, with the base interpreter at the top of the page.

The first few layers of interpretation

  • The interpreter is written in self-interpreted Brainfuck,
  • which is interpreted by an interpreter written in COBOL,
  • and the COBOL that that interpreter was written in is interpreted by JSFuck, in order for it to be made web-friendly. (sorta)

Virtual machine section

  • That interpreter is then run inside a virtual machine
  • Now get a laptop (just one core) and run that virtual machine on it
  • Then put the laptop on the other side of the planet, with the only way to access it being remotely

And so the simulations begin

  • Simulate an entire universe with all the gravitational attractions and stuff and put the laptop in there.
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • then put the laptop that runs that simulation into another simulation on another laptop
  • (8 times total)

The return of the virtual machines

  • Run the simulation on a virtual machine on that last laptop
  • and then run that virtual machine inside another virtual machine
  • and then run that virtual machine inside another one
  • and then run that one inside another one
  • and then run that one inside another one
  • and then run that one inside another one
  • and then run that one inside another one
  • and then run that one inside another one
  • (again, 8 times total)

Minecraft time

You know how Redstone is Turing complete? Well... evil laugher

  • Simulate that virtual machine on a Redstone computer
  • Run that Redstone computer in a Minecraft world which already has the mob-cap of persistent entities
  • Simulate that Minecraft world on a laptop (To be expected)

Examples

Because the very first (top) layer is just B****Fuck, all BranFlake examples apply here too.

Other notes

Please Don't torture yourself with the task of trying to make an interpreter for this.

Because a proper implementation of this language requires simulating the entire universe multiple times, it is impossible to implement unless one has access to an infinitely powerful computer.

External resources