Useful!

Useful! is a concept by User:Maxsteele2 for the most useless computer language ever created. Evidently, the name is sarcasm and should be ignored.

Hello World
This is how a Hello World program would appear in Useful!: sdUH&^BGI*DEM,90fd,<*^)${CM*%M*(I<BV#%m,z,.<(V%U<(_ There is no way to understand this, other than being a robot.

Fibonacci
This prints the first 42 Fibonacci numbers: gu$$YDGHn^mdmC$mc<?5m38R$%^ZpotAto7DIU(CFR%NB&(C#%B%(&#(&)C%N#NMX#X%NN(C#^B^bnnmy4&NB&* Ack, now I have headache.

Quine
This outputs a quine: YGTgh^R$@CV*TNM*O@NM^*$NM*OLOLOLOLAZERggyTYR&nm7%&(V*)#V%M* Obviously, this prints YGTgh^R$@CV*TNM*O@NM^*$NM*OLOLOLOLAZERggyTYR&nm7%&(V*)#V%M*.

99 Bottles
This outputs the 99 bottles of beer lyrics: sdgf*888ijrrddJsdfgasgfKOFF435nbkdgWho? dgfsdg5eleven1fdsgsggsg"blahfe346$%5

Any Program
One way is to mash on keys randomly and pray that it gets desirable results. Another way is to be a machine and just know the result, although most prefer to remain a living being.

Specific programs
Just give it up, it's a 1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679 to 1 chance you'll ever do it. Hey, that's the first hundred digits of pi.