Compute

Compute is a joke programming language by User:Orange

Compute has no required syntax and has the power to solve any and all problems. It is smart enough to interpret any human language (English, Spanish, Latin, etc), any programming language (C++, Java, brainfuck, etc), or any kind of data you can think of. The only downfall is that there is absolutely no I/O.

Sample Programs
Hello World Hello world program.

compute 99 bottles of beer 99 bottles of beer.

Solve NP complete problem Solves an np complete problem. Any NP-complete problem.

become self aware Cause the program to be self aware for a brief period.

What is love? Cause the program to calculate what love is.

Simulate every possible outcome of a full scale global thermonuclear war Cause the program to realize the only winning move is not to play. Note: the program may want to play a game of chess before terminating.

Official Python Implementation
for c in open(__import__('sys').argv[1]).read:__import__('time').sleep(1) print'\n\nDone.'

Use in command prompt, terminal, etc, like this: compute.py program.cmp

Compute is very memory efficient and does not require a lot of CPU cycles.